Gifts go from having cute wrapping paper and a bow to getting stuffed in a bag with tissue paper – if you’re lucky. His older sister takes swimming classes on the weekend. Parenting is never easy and does lead to significant lifestyle changes, which some new parents find difficult to adjust to. Until you have someone’s mood change on a dime and it doesn’t. By Susan Newman , Contributor March 9, 2017 Many people financially coast when their finances … When you go one at a time with your numbers, then you become an expert at what it takes to juggle the needs of your family with the schedule that is going on. Having two siblings in your family is a nice structure. Some couples decide that they want to pursue having a third child because they have two boys or two girls and they want a son or daughter to fulfill their family structure. Would you have enough cash available for the next six months if you or your spouse were to lose your employment for some reason? You get to earn a regression back into the days of a newborn. With your newly minted “middle child,” you will notice that there is a developing trait of negotiation that develops. When we think about what it means to have a large family, we often think about the work. Tantrums seem to happen more often as a way to get stuff. You learn to be unselfish. Scooter* is currently loving life at 8 years old. You need a lot of sleep to get through these moments, which is ironic because the first year tends to feel sleepless when you add a third child into the mix. If the clothes don’t smell “too” bad, then kids can wear them again. By Dr. Marika Lindholm posted Apr 26th, 2017 at 9:57am. My son was born when I was 23. There will be more of them than you. Being a parent is a twenty-four hour job. Last medically reviewed on April 28, 2016, It's not usually dad who is showered with gifts when a new baby comes, but why not? There is a financial consideration to think about with a third child. Scooter is also the third child in his family. Well, we can tell you now with certainty that yes, you will be. "Our survey from 2002 found that 12 percent of higher-income women had three or more children," says Anjani Chandra, a researcher at the National Center for Health Statistics. Honestly, you decide one kid at a time. You must make time for date nights whenever you can. Your family receives more to love, and they also love you back. You can relieve the stages of development you might have missed with your other kids. In fact, having four is supposed to be less stressful than three kids. It is true that adding a third child will bring a new level of exhaustion to your life that never really goes away with all of the extracurricular activities going on. Go with whatever your heart is telling you to do. That’s why many larger families keep one parent at home. There are financial commitments to these products, even if you decide to use reusable ones, plus there are all of the other needs that you will need to supply for the child. There are still moments of craziness, fear, and loneliness that you will go through, but it is far less intense than it was during your past efforts. Your relationship with your spouse or partner is going to change. They are such good company for each other, it’s lovely to watch them interact. There’s no pros and cons list you can make to get a definitive answer on having a third baby. There are some big changes that might be on the horizon for you and your family when you add a third child to the mix. Pets Help Kids Understand Science Better. But I want to be a voice of reason in the sea of people who’ll warn you that having a third child will be the hardest hurdle you’ll ever face. 7 Wonderful Ways Kids Benefit from Having Single Moms. They have martial arts classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays all year long. Almost everyone is a parent, and if you like to feel like you’re part of the mainstream, then parenting is for you. The house devolves into a mess faster than you ever thought it would. Many parents feel guilty about having a second child because they worry about what their first child will think and feel about the experience. If you’re thinking of becoming pregnant, make an appointment with your physician or midwife to discuss your prepregnancy health. 8. “I want three instead of two,” explains Kelly Burch, mom of one. Having three children creates such a sense of familial joy that the extra work (mostly) feels worth it: You get three times the love – From the time they are born, your kids love you. It is really hard having three kids under five. It provides you with an excuse to go home and car shopping. You can keep using those hand-me-downs. Here are some details about the process, including how…. The kids are out the door at 8 to catch the bus as the parents go off to work. Now they are 2, 4, and 6. Get dressed. Most parents think about having their third child after the first two are finally out of diapers. 2. 9. A family of five is still compact. But I felt strongly that we should have a third child. A baby crying takes the tension level up to a different level. There is less guilt involved when you have a third child. There is always a path toward fun in his eyes. Before we dive in, let me start by saying that I have four children. You are coordinating schedules with your partner, managing specific chores, and the to-do lists never really seem to end. Take a deep breath. Strengthens Family Bonding. You would also find that his smile is very contagious. When there are three kids arguing with each other, you might find yourself pulling over the car more often to get control of the situation. Although the precious early days with a baby are always something that we look back upon fondly, it gets rough when you are in the middle of all that work. However, parenting also provides incomparable rewards, as you have a direct hand in shaping the life of a child. You will encounter critics of your family choices in random public spaces. “Having three kids totally changes the family dynamic,” she explains. 1. If you are thinking about an expansion of your family, then here are some of the pros and cons of having a third child to consider. When you went from one child to two, there is an excellent chance that the experience felt like a large weight compressing on your chest. Arriving on-time for something feels like a miracle. Debra Rose Wilson, Ph.D., MSN, R.N., IBCLC, AHN-BC, CHT. As the three get older and involved in their own activities, it does get better. If a babysitter doesn’t come along, then bring out the entire family for a fun night that breaks your hectic routine. 1. You’re forced to get serious about your finances. We have three as well. We'll tell you why and offer some alternatives for pain. You have already gone through the learning curve. Know the symptoms and how to get help. If you have three young ones all in car seats, then figuring out how they will all fit is a unique challenge that can be exceptionally frustrating. That’s the biggest “pro” I can think of. Here they are, the 10 best things about having three kids: 1. I found this to be a gift, both at the birth of my third and since then. 28 Reasons You're Better Off Never Having Kids. More siblings mean more options for your kids. 1. You were never in control of everything, and being outnumbered by small people reminds you of this. Everyone will adjust quickly to the new family dynamics. You fit in better with your peer group. Get dressed. Everyone will adjust to the new routines with relative ease if you give them a chance to do so. He deserves appreciation too! Even if you send all of the kids to bed at a reasonable time and stay up to chat, you are so exhausted in those first years that the only thing both of you want to do is sleep. In … Having three kids is the most stressful. You may also want to know…, If you're wondering how to become a surrogate, we applaud you for your desire to help others. When you have three kids, someone is always left to fend for themselves — usually, the youngest. There is something deeply satisfying about seeing another child getting to wear some of the clothes and use the toys that your previous two did when they were younger. A “Today Show” survey reported that having three children is actually the most stressful number for parents. by Adam Ellis. There are tremendous and many benefits of having a large family! This holds true to all type of activities. "Our survey from 2002 found that 12 percent of higher-income women had three or more children," says Anjani Chandra, a researcher at the National Center for Health Statistics. 10. Family time is beneficial for parents and … 4. A family of five is still compact. At the end of the day, you should gather your list and talk to other moms who’ve made the same decision. When you speak with Scooter’s parents, you will see that they have no regrets about the sacrifices, time, and effort that came with their decision to have a larger family. They learn lessons that give them a leg up over those raised in two-parent homes. Just watch out for some resentment developing during that process. Parenting is never easy and does lead to significant lifestyle changes, which some new parents find difficult to adjust to. You will also discover that there is more time available to devote to your third child because the older two have more self-sufficiency – even if there is only a year or two of difference in their age. When you make it three, then you’ve got more of a gang that can be self-sufficient as they get older. It never hurts to have another child in your family who is willing to love you unconditionally in their first years of life. More Family Time Results In Less Behavioral Problems. 5. You might need to purchase a larger vehicle. Having three kids may be an easier transition than you think. Even though it is a sacrifice to the career, they come out financially better because one parent typically sends their salary to these miscellaneous costs. My husband and I had both finished college and were ready to start a family. You’ll be the best aunt/uncle/godparent/friend to parents ever. I feel like when you get to the third baby, you feel much more confident in your abilities and limitations as a parent. 1. Once you make it to three children and they get a little older, then the dishwasher needs to be run every day. Having two children is best for your health Having children is good for your health – but only if parents stop after they have had two. The real benefit to 3 vs 2 is you have three kids to give love to, and three kids to receive love from - for the rest of your lives. His older brother and younger sister have soccer in the spring and fall. Because you have already gone through the experience of raising a little one, this process doesn’t seem so bad the third time around because you feel like you know what to expect. A third child means that you have less time to spend together as a couple. Three kids might not feel “normal” to you. Don't sign them up for med school yet, but Dr. Gail F. … You will no longer care about the smaller details of life. Once you have a third child (or more), then you have a higher risk of strangers confronting you about your family dynamics. The Benefits of Having a Second Baby ... With a set schedule, you and your kids know what to expect and have something to look forward to each day. Before having children, prospective parents should consider how this decision will change their lives. Contrary to popular belief, children don’t always drive their parents crazy. Taking ibuprofen in pregnancy isn't a good idea. Three kids gets kind of chaotic, so evaluate your own tolerance levels for all the juggling that will inevitably come with adding a third baby. After giving up nine months of sharing your body with the little one, having a full year or two of changing all of those diapers again is not something that everyone will want to do. But when you feel that ache to hold another baby in your arms, you can’t just ignore it. Even if you only have a couple of extra years added to this timeline, it can be enough to help you hold onto the sense of purpose that you experience right now. They get up at 7am together to have breakfast. Let’s face it, when you add that third baby as part of a duo-parent family, you will officially be outnumbered. There are demands placed on parents today that can take them away from the first moments that children experience. 7. This is a good thing. You are going to see lots of each other because you’re both working with the kids on the various projects or assignments that they bring home. One gets a treat, the other gets a treat. Yeah, we know, we never should have let it get this out of hand, we should have … 3. You might find that people define you as a parent of these children, but it is a label that you really don’t mind wearing. I call this the “giving up” effect. You cannot help but to appreciate his smile as he pursues something that he is passionate about, whether that happens to be Angry Birds, Star Wars, or a root beer float. I have many friends with two children, and they treat them fairly. I would state that there really is no benefit - kids are kids, and while it might seem to a lot of folks that the third one would be left out, the truth is that my two older kids absolutely adore their baby brothers. It prolongs the issue of the “empty nest” that you will experience one day. They are all two years apart. There are some tax incentives to consider. Going from zero to one was a life-changer, going from one to two felt almost impossible, and having four shook me up in a way I’m still recovering from (but so thankful for). By Susan Newman , Contributor March 9, 2017 It also means that having a meaningful conversation with that person might take days before it happens. You want the older child to get the attention they want while caring for all of the needs of your newborn. When you talk about kids - or any relationships really - you can't talk about benefits in the traditional sense. Before having children, prospective parents should consider how this decision will change their lives. She answered, “That’s how I feel when I’m awake, but Clara and Levi are still asleep.”. A household with $0 of income receives no tax benefits from having a child, because it does not qualify for any of the three major tax provisions involving children. His family schedule is packed to the brim every day. Then there are the daycare expenses to look at. That house or apartment you are living in now might need an upgrade. Your kids will have more than one sibling. Because now I truly understand how special it can be to have such a large family, and how being part of a large family benefits my children. Some parents start out with twins or get their third right away with triplets, but that is an entirely different family dynamic. What having three kids is really like UPDATE #6: TWO AND A HALF YEARS IN. Although his circumstances are a little unique because his older siblings are twins, there is no denying the fact that his passion for life and quest for knowledge is something that makes the world better. Your family receives more to love, and they also love you back. What Are the Symptoms of Antepartum Depression and How Is It Treated? So, of course, we already made the decision to have a third baby. You get to be the center of your own life, not a supporting role. You can fit three car seats in most cars, you can squeeze into those restaurant booths, and you probably won’t win that vacation, anyway. But I can tell you from personal experience that with a third child, you still fall into the “normal” family range. 3. © 2005-2020 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. “Having three kids totally changes the family dynamic,” she explains. Having children turns a couple into a family. List of the Pros of Having a Third Child 1. You will likely experience the same outcome as you get through those tough early years. When I first saw this “news” take over my Facebook feed in 2013, I laughed. When your family expands, you will discover that your opportunities do as well. Here is my list of the ten top benefits of having children. The world seems to be built for families of four. The pros and cons of having a third child are something to consider as you debate this opportunity for your family. Part of the reason that wealthier people are having more kids may simply be that there are more of them. 11. So if you’reon the fence about adding a third addition to your family, here are a few pros and cons to consider before you decide. 1. Not only do you have less time as a couple, there is less time to spend as a family as the kids get older. The effort. In that sense, three is better than two, four is better than three, etc. He lives in Washington state, is enrolled in his school’s gifted and talented program, and has recently earned his green belt in his preferred martial art. It never hurts to have another child in your family who is willing to love you unconditionally in their first years of life. Having a third child will place them in a category with the likes of Jennifer Lawrence, Madonna, and James Middleton. Children keep you sane. In recent years, “women were more likely to have had two children than three or more children ” a trend that was most marked in the most recent period (38% vs. 25% in 1996; 38% vs. 22% in 2006). A household with $0 of income receives no tax benefits from having a child, because it does not qualify for any of the three major tax provisions involving children. 6. Although this shouldn’t stop you from making a decision that works for your family, you will want to be prepared for a strong negative reaction that you’ll encounter at times. Is it secure? Another sibling in the house is a good thing as your kids get older. Here are some other things: On Creative Uses of Space Things are looking up. Here are our picks of the best new…, Sometimes the act of getting pregnant ends up having very little to do with sex. The Best New Dad Gifts for Your Favorite Guy... or Just the Guy in Your Office, When Conceiving Is Complicated: How Infertility Impacts Intimacy, A Quick Guide to Pelvic Rocking During Pregnancy, What to Expect When You’re in the Latent (Early) Phase of Labor, Debra Sullivan, Ph.D., MSN, R.N., CNE, COI, Pregnancy Snacks for Your Cravings and Challenges. They are creative, excellent at problem solving, and masters at getting other people to do things for them. When you have a third child, then these opportunities come around again. That means you have more opportunities to pursue extracurricular activities as a family, such as scouts, sports, or after-school events. That’s when all of the extras hit, which keep them out of the house until 8pm most evenings. The transition is not as intense as you would expect it to be. The older two helped me tremendously with the third one. This is an incredibly powerful notion. Your goal is to go from one task to another with the goal of getting a 5-minute break. There will also be the moments when the older two try to convince the third to do something that they know will cause trouble, but you’ve got to roll with the punches here. Kids Squash Your Sex Life. 1. Over the years, though, the comments stopped upsetting me. Having children is more stressful for women than it is for men, and mothers suffer professionally after having children in a way that fathers don’t (though parents’ happiness does seem to … BuzzFeed Staff. One time I told my oldest that I used to be lonely as an only child. I won’t make any promises here. But having a big bunch of little ones is more than just work. It feels like you are connecting the past, present, and future in these times, which is a moment that you will treasure in your heart forever. If you come from a smaller family, having three children may not feel normal or familiar to you. Certainly in my household I’ve found two can sometimes make things easier. We'll tell you what to expect, from how long it lasts to how to relieve the pain. "The figure from 1995 is only about 3 percent." Part of the reason that wealthier people are having more kids may simply be that there are more of them. According to the study, more kids somehow equals less stress. After the tax changes that occurred following the 2016 election cycle in the United States, there are some incentives built into the law that support a three-child family more than they do smaller or larger ones. * We changed his name to respect his and his family’s privacy. It really makes it easier to adjust to life with a newborn again. Although some might argue that having additional children drains the resources of the family, community, or planet, there is also the benefit to consider that this additional sibling could change the world in unique ways one day. 1. Many mothers I know have told me that they felt like adding a third child to their families evoked shocked reactions from their friends. If you’re already getting benefits for more than 2 children you’ll continue to get those benefits. There is always something going on in your family. Um, sorry, no. They are never lonely. From the very first symptom to finally meeting your little one for the first time, there are many milestones along the way. Although the cost benefit of this advantage is something to consider, you will also find yourself fondly reliving the past moments when you were using these items before. As the kids start getting older, you will treasure a trio and how they define your family. Find your center. There is a new personality that starts coming into the house. When it's time to quit, you will probably have no doubts. You will want to speak with a financial professional about any questions you might have with this unique benefit, but it could help you to secure a larger refund or have access to a little more cash with every paycheck. 2. The noise. I am very happy I had my third! You won’t care about stuff like that with a third child. 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